Friday, June 4, 2010

Stung, stung bad

Since it's been a long week, and since it's a Friday, and because I found myself crouched down in the fetal position during one of my classes today because a huge killer bee came within 10 feet of me... I thought we'd take a little walk down memory lane.

The summer of 2006 I  was living with two other Sarah's... yes there were three of us (talk about confusing).  I like to call it "The Mormon Summer" as we decided to befriend two random Mormon missionaries that were trying to convert us. They actually broke a lot of their church's rules by hanging out with us as often as they did, but I'm pretty sure they just did it because they had crush's on the other two Sarah's ( I was dating Jon at this time).

Anywho... one of these days we found ourselves going to take a hike on the Superior hiking trail. We had been hiking for a good hour or so, talking, taking pictures, pretending to be tour guides, and enjoying the day. But because I had to get to work that evening we decided to take the trail back to the car.

At about this point in time I decide I haaaaaaad to go to the bathroom. Well... you can put two and two together. We're out hiking, middle of nowhere... I had nothing but mother nature's restroom. So I went for it! I start hiking back in the brush... getting out of view of the trail.

I drop my drawers and am gettin' ready to go and I feel a sharp pinch on my heiny. I'm utterly confused. I had seen no bushes with thorns or prickly things and couldn't figure it out. Then I felt another, and another, and another! Now I'm just frantic... WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME!!!!??? And then I take a look around.  There are HUNDREDS of bewanets (bees, wasps, hornets... I don't know the difference) swarming me... and my underparts. I shot up and start sprinting for the trail... so there I am, in my underwear... my pants around my ankles,  on the trail with the two Sarah's and the Mormon boys (who quickly walked the opposite way down the trail)  I'm freaking out trying to get my clothes off of me and I, kid you not, there were bewanets lining my pants and underwear.... literally crawling all over me.

The Sarah's rushed to the rescue getting the pants off of me and getting rid of the bees  as I sat in the middle of the trail, rocking back and forth crying.... in my underwear. Not my most shining moment. And yes... other hikers did walk by wondering what in the heck had happened to me... and my pants.

It's at this point in time I realize that my wallet has dropped from my pocket. My wallet containing a few hundred from my tips the other night. The wallet containing my debit card, drivers license. social security card, and everything else that was absolutely necessary to my life. Did I mention my wallet was black and the size of a palm? Now lost in the dark deep woods  with swarming bewanets ready to kill you at any moment?

Now I'm really panicking.... damn the bees.... DAMN ALL THE BEES!!!!!!! I was able to settle down a bit more after I got my pants back on and we went into problem solving mode. Then Jace... ,one of the mormons, stepped up to the plate. ( Although if he wasn't deathly allergic I'm sure Todd would've as well.) And miracle of miracles HE FOUND IT!!!!! I mean what are the odds!? Although my heiny and other regions were stinging miserably, I still had to try to make it to work. That and the fact that all of the toxins running through me weren't going to be making me feel better anytime soon... so I needed to get outta there.

Now let me make this clear. I have NEVER called in sick to work.... NEVER. Unless I am on my death bed, I show up. But I figured that this was an ok occasion to call, after all I had just been attacked by 50 million killer bewanets. It was justified. So on the way down the trail I called my boss, who was crazy... (another story for another time), and she kept me on the phone for 45 minutes... asking what I thought my "angels" were telling me, and what I should've done different. Ummm let me think... my "angels" are telling me to not use mother nature as my own personal toilet and that bewanets want to kill you at any time and will get their revenge by stinging you in places that were never meant to be treated that way.

After fu-hinally getting off the phone and concluding that I would not be coming into work (my angels told me not too) we got in the car.... and it HURT. We decided the stingers were probably not out and that they would need to come out one way or another. The only way we knew how was with a credit card... scraping. Now... I'd love to know if someone can scrape their heiny and nether parts with a credit card while having the venom of 15 bewanets inside of them i'd like to meet them. It just wasn't happening... so Sarah Och and I got reallllllll close that afternoon in the gas station restroom... and I'm forever grateful.

The next few days proved to be a pain in the rear end...literally and figuratively. Sitting hurt soooooo badly (which was perfect since we had a wedding the next day) and I was beyond tired for most of it.

As ridiculous as this story is, I have to explain it... because no one understands my plight. They don't understand why bewanets (especially the mammoth size ones in Korea) scare the living daylights out of me and send me into hysterics.  And I must say the Koreans look at me a little strange when I tell them, but there is a moral to the story. Never utilize mother nature as your personal restroom without taking in ALLLLLLL of your surroundings... and never underestimate where a bewanet will sting you... I'm still a little scarred.


Laura said...

Oh my word Sara - yet another similarity between us! I haven't had a story like this [THANK GOODNESS. I would have dropped dead from a heart attack!] but I HATE HATE bees with a passion. In junior high, Kali Gardner and I would run around screaming, trying to get away from any wasp or bee that would came around us outside. It was frantic and totally made a scene every time. I still do it to this day. You and I'd be such a sight, wouldn't we??

Kayla said...

Hahahahaha!!! Seriously hilarious! I can't imagine how painful that must have been! Poor girl! I accidently stuck my hand is a wasp nest once (it was under a rock I was going to pick up) and got stung like 4-5 times in the hand and it swelled up like a balloon and hurt like hell... I can't imagine 15-20 in the bum!

So I can understand being afraid of the bees, especially in Korea, those things are HUGE!

Melissa said...

AAAAAAHAHAHAHA! Somehow I have totally missed this story on your blog.....this is hillarious! I am seriously still laughing. I mean, that really sucks, but what a great story! Love it, and Love you :)