I'd have to say that the past two years of marriage have been quite breezy for Jon and I. While we did have the occasional ups and downs, they mostly related to adjusting in a new country and the many difficulties that come with it.
But this week I'd have to say marriage and having very little social interaction outside each other has gotten the best of us. This week, we are thoroughly unimpressed with each other.
And the sad part is, it's not over a big issue. It's not about children or money or anything life threatening. It's about piddly crap. It's an accumulation of little things building up that if we'd taken care of right away, there would be no issue. The kind of thing that if we were in our right minds we'd be laughing and saying what in the heck are we so upset about?
But the fact of the matter is, we are upset. And we are walking on tippy toes. We are realizing that while we obviously love each other, the whole liking each other is a bit on the strained side. Marriage is tough.
Now, I realize most of you who have been married longer than us are slapping your forheads thinking "Um you haven't figured that out already?? What did you crazy kids think marriage was?"
And to be honest we know marriage is work and that it takes effort, but up until now it's all been quite effortless. And maybe that's the problem. I've been sitting here wondering if maybe we haven't been putting ENOUGH work into it. When you see that other person almost 24/7 for the past two years there isn't a whole lot of time to miss them. You don't have to make the effort to have dinner together between busy schedules, you don't have to plan in time for dates or time together. Because you are always together. Now I'm sure some of you are thinking, " you'll miss that when it's gone. you'll realize how much you wish you had that time once you're back in the States." And yes, I'm sure we will. But at the same time I look forward to being able to plan QUALITY time together, instead of mass amounts of quantity time that we just sit. I look forward to actually being able to miss my husband and appreciating all of his truly amazing qualities. I appreciate them now, but not as much as if I didn't have them all the time. They just become part of everyday life. Which is partly my fault, I should be appreciating them everyday and I truly try but I think that you don't really appreciate something fully until you don't have it at your disposal all the time.
And I really think that healthy marriages are healthy because couples have time apart. Their lives have seperation in some aspects. There are different friends, different groups, different people.I truly believe that in our lives we need many different relationships and that they serve different purposes. Right now Jon and I are filling EVERY purpose for each other. And I don't think we are meant too. We are meant to have social interactions with others, we are meant to get some fufillment from other areas of life. But living in Korea has not been very conducive to that, at all. We know all the same people (all 10 of them), have the same jobs, get home at the same time and spend every night together. There's no going out with friends by yourself, no small group, no volunteering anywhere (at least not on the islands). And while it's been great to have established ourselves without outside influences I'm also seeing the negative side affects it's had as well.
I realize that I rarely share this type of personal look into our lives, but I feel that by being secret about the not so pleasant things in life you are denying them or that they happen. We most certainly do not have perfect lives nor are we perfect people, and that's a good thing. And it's ok to share struggles with those around you. In a community you share the great, grand, and the not so great and grand. You share because you know that other care about you and your well being. And you share because you know others have years of marital advice to give :)
So here is where we ask... share your advice! What have you learned in your years of marriage and relationship? Whether you've been married 3 months or 30 years, what can you give to a young couple that is very much in love, but struggling to figure some things out? I know more people read this blog than I think, and many of you don't comment, but here is where I'm asking you to comment. Just this once :)