Compliments

Because I apparently enjoy the feeling of productivity I made the choice to take two summer classes. They are both two week intensives and one started on Monday.

Yes, that's right. After the stressful week of finals, I decided to start up with class again two days later. I also apparently don't enjoy giving myself a break.

However, this class has been absolutely phenomenal.

Seriously.

The instructor is fantastic, my classmates are great, and it is probably the most laid back atmosphere you could ask for.

The class is Groups in Counseling and our instructor, Reggie Moore, does a fantastic job of modeling and facilitating the type of leader one would hope to be. There is structure, yet at the same time it is flexible to allow for movement and a change of pace. In three days I already feel that I've gained a lot of insight.

One of my favorite parts is Reggie's way of confronting others, yet in a way that encourages and empowers others to rise to the occasion.

Today was no different.

He was conversing with one of the men in my class and ended paying him a compliment.

The man said "thank you"

And Reggie came back with " Now you hold on to that. I know in five hours you're going to want to do something that will negate or muddy that compliment, but that still won't take the truth of it away."

ummm. wow.

This hit me. hard. I began to analyze why we tend to mess up or continue to disbelieve when others compliment us. Even if we take the compliment at first, we later find justification for it to not be true.

Is it because we are so afraid of not fully living up to that compliment? We feel the need to prove others wrong?

Do we really see ourselves in such a poor light?

I think for me personally I feel that deep down I don't truly possess the quality that I'm being complimented on and I'm terrified someone might find out how untrue their words are. I think I'm also scared that while their words may be true in the moment what if something happens later that might make them regret giving me those words?

Compliments are a tricky business, but I truly want to get better at accepting them and learn to believe them.

A pretty lofty goal, but one that needs to be accomplished.


How are you at taking compliments? Do you find it easy to accept or do you negate them?

Love and Marriage

I'd have to say that the past two years of marriage have been quite breezy for Jon and I. While we did have the occasional ups and downs, they mostly related to adjusting in a new country and the many difficulties that come with it.

But this week I'd have to say marriage and having very little social interaction outside each other has gotten the best of us. This week, we are thoroughly unimpressed with each other.

And the sad part is, it's not over a big issue. It's not about children or money or anything life threatening. It's about piddly crap. It's an accumulation of little things building up that if we'd taken care of right away, there would be no issue. The kind of thing that if we were in our right minds we'd be laughing and saying what in the heck are we so upset about?

But the fact of the matter is, we are upset. And we are walking on tippy toes. We are realizing that while we obviously love each other, the whole liking each other is a bit on the strained side. Marriage is tough.

Now, I realize most of you who have been married longer than us are slapping your forheads thinking "Um you haven't figured that out already?? What did you crazy kids think marriage was?"

And to be honest we know marriage is work and that it takes effort, but up until now it's all been quite effortless. And maybe that's the problem. I've been sitting here wondering if maybe we haven't been putting ENOUGH work into it. When you see that other person almost 24/7 for the past two years there isn't a whole lot of time to miss them. You don't have to make the effort to have dinner together between busy schedules, you don't have to plan in time for dates or time together. Because you are always together. Now I'm sure some of you are thinking, " you'll miss that when it's gone. you'll realize how much you wish you had that time once you're back in the States." And yes, I'm sure we will. But at the same time I look forward to being able to plan QUALITY time together, instead of mass amounts of  quantity time that we just sit. I look forward to actually being able to miss my husband and appreciating all of his truly amazing qualities. I appreciate them now, but not as much as if I didn't have them all the time. They just become part of everyday life. Which is partly my fault, I should be appreciating them everyday and I truly try but I think  that you don't really appreciate something fully until you don't have it at your disposal all the time.

And I really think that healthy marriages are healthy because couples have time apart. Their lives have seperation in some aspects. There are different friends, different groups, different people.I truly believe that in our lives we need many different relationships and that they serve different purposes. Right now Jon and I are filling EVERY purpose for each other. And I don't think we are meant too. We are meant to have social interactions with others, we are meant to get some fufillment from other areas of life. But living in Korea has not been very conducive to that, at all.  We know all the same people (all 10 of them), have the same jobs, get home at the same time and spend every night together. There's no going out with friends by yourself, no small group, no volunteering anywhere (at least not on the islands). And while it's been great to have established ourselves without outside influences I'm also seeing the negative side affects it's had as well.

I realize that I rarely share this type of personal look into our lives, but I feel that by being secret about the not so pleasant things in life you are denying them or that they happen. We most certainly do not have perfect lives nor are we perfect people, and that's a good thing. And it's ok to share struggles with those around you. In a community you share the great, grand, and the not so great and grand. You share because you know that other care about you and your well being. And you share because you know others have years of marital advice to give :)

So here is where we ask... share your advice! What have you learned in your years of marriage and relationship? Whether you've been married 3 months or 30 years, what can you give to a young couple that is very much in love, but struggling to figure some things out?  I know more people read this blog than I think, and many of you don't comment, but here is where I'm asking you to comment. Just this once :)

Korean Conversation

In my school the teachers are like family. They work together, play together, drink together, fight together, and attempt to speak English together. I truly appreciate the fact they do try so hard to speak with me and really try to converse in English. English is an insanely difficult language to learn, and Koreans are shy... so put two and two together and it's like pulling teeth sometimes.

But in all honestly my teachers really try to make me feel part of their "family" so any time they even remotely come close to speaking English I'm there, ready, waiting with a smile and nodding my head like crazy. I'm like an overly excited parent just waiting for my child to speak its first words.


Because English is broken and not alway communicated effectively, and because my co-teacher has been gone for the majority of this week I've had a few odd conversations with the teachers.

I work out quite a bit, and it's hot and humid this time of year so I'm usually working up a dehydrating amount of sweat usually 2 hours a day... so I guzzle water like no other. This is not so common in the world of Korea, you just don't see many Koreans guzzling down the water... beer and soju, yes... water, no.  So I'm up twice every hour. Once to refill the water and the other to unload my overly full and tiny bladder. And this does not go unnoticed.

*source*

Scene 1
Math Teacher: Oh, Sara.... so much water
Me: ummmm, yeah. I like water. *blushing and feeling extremely paranoid about my camel drinking habits*
Secretary: So much water... why?
Me: *note that I'm doing really awkward hand movements and arm movements as I explain* Oh, I sweat a lot. So hot. Need Water.  *yes I get cryptic and have horrible grammar when I talk with them... but it works*
Math Teacher/Secretary: *Looking at me like I'm a freak*
Me: *stammering, and starting to sweat, which of course makes me want to drink more water* ummm water good for you. so hot. *I think at this point in time I must have pointed to my face... maybe? *
Secretary: Oh so much water... face so skinny! And so dirty... lots of sun. good water.
Me: um yeah? *by this point I'm beyond confused. Do they really think that all that water made my face skinny? is that what they think I said?* ( and a side note when you have a tan in korea they tell you your skin is dirty... they like things white here)
Secretary/Math Teacher: OH face so skinny... water so good. *they smile and start using their hands to circle their faces*
Me:* smile, nod, and return to reading my book very aware of every sip I take*
End Scene


I also had an odd conversation in the lunch room...

*source*

Scene 2

* I'm eating rice curry with two of my teachers that I've sat with almost every day for the past 9 months. I happen to be eating with my spoon because the curry is similar to a stew*

Music Teacher: Oh Sara *points to chopsticks* What is it?
Me: Chopsticks
MT: Chopsticks, Chopsticks *she keeps trying out the word* You can use chopsticks??
Me: *staring at her*.......umm..... *continue to stare wondering if it's a joke*
MT: *She says something to the science teacher in Korea, then back to me* You use?
Me: *picking up the chopsticks, using the chopsticks to pick up everything on my plate* yah, I can use them * at this point in time I'm still confused*
MT: Oh so goood!!!!!! Chopsticks so good!! When did learn??? *Now she is the one staring at me like the child that has rolled over for the first time... we are talking estatic*
Me: ummm I learned in the United States. And I've been practicing in Korea?
MT: Oh so good! So good Chopsticks! *she continues eating and is completely proud of me*
Me: *staring at my plate, then at the chopsticks wondering what in the heck they think I've been using for the past 9 months!?*
End Scene

I also taught all of the teachers how to say 'The Netherlands' (it's a world cup thing) and have taught my head teacher my favorite phrase of all... 'Sara, go home please'


It's odd because in some ways they are aware of a lot of my behaviors. Such as, I like running, I like to read, I obviously like water, and I like to take photos.  And then they are completely oblivious to everyday little things like the fact that I can use chopsticks... and have been able to for quite some time. I really do wish my co-teacher would've been there for that last convo though because I would have most definitely asked what in the world they thought I was using for the past 9 months.... probably my dirty tan hands :)